ALEX CHADWICK, host:
I'm Alex Chadwick. First, another episode in the adventures of the human guinea pig, Slate writer Emily Yoffe. She tries out things the rest of us wonder about, but would never actually want to try ourselves: a phone psychic, a nude model, an eating contest contestant. When we spoke earlier she described her latest experiment as a Washington D.C. lobbyist.
Ms. EMILY YOFFE (Writer, Slate): I started my own organization. It was a very worthy and worthwhile organization called Spay and Neuter our Pets, or SNOP. Our goal was a federal law requiring all dogs and cats coming out of animal shelters or rescue groups be spayed or neutered before adoption.
CHADWICK: And as a lobbyist, you went out to try to go around Capitol Hill, Congress, and try to get people to say okay, we like this, we're going to write it into legislation and get it passed.
Ms. YOFFE: That's it.
CHADWICK: And how did you do? How is it as life as a lobbyist?
Ms. YOFFE: Well, since I was the president of SNOP I decided I wasn't going to call and say I'm with SNOP, because I thought I'd be snubbed, so I just decided I'd go and try to do a drop-by. You cannot drop by Capitol Hill offices. I had with me some stuffed puppies that I'd put Band-Aids over their private parts to represent my cause.
CHADWICK: Excellent.
Ms. YOFFE: And the receptionist would look at me like these were anthrax-laced stuff puppies, so the drop-by didn't work.
CHADWICK: Uh huh.
Ms. YOFFE: But then I saw some people who looked like lobbyists and I said, Look, how did you get your appointments and they said, We just called. So I ran back home and I called and I said I was with SNOP and they said, Sure, come in.
CHADWICK: This is the secret of being a power lobbyist, call ahead for an appointment?
Ms. YOFFE: Make an appointment. It's like seeing your doctor.
CHADWICK: All right, well, now you've learned how to wangle your way into the offices of power on Capitol Hill. What happened in there?
Ms. YOFFE: I have to say I got in every office I called.
CHADWICK: Now are you seeing the actual elected representatives and senators?
Ms. YOFFE: No. I've called super-lobbyists to ask for advice before I started this because I had no idea what to do. Michael Berman, who's always listed as one of the top 50 lobbyists, saw me and he said you will not see the senator or representative. But that doesn't matter, because they're probably not dealing with it anyway. See the staff person who deals with your issue. That's the way to get things done. So I saw staff people.
CHADWICK: And you went and said I think we should have this law: get all dogs and cats coming out of shelters to be spayed. And what was the reception? Did people, first of all, did they recognize that you were actually doing this as kind of a joke or did they think SNOP was real?
Ms. YOFFE: One person, actually the aide to Ted Kennedy. Now, the reason I got into Ted Kennedy's office is that he has a book coming out on the adventures of his dog, named Splash. Yes.
CHADWICK: Ted Kennedy has a dog named Splash?
Ms. YOFFE: I think that was probably the most shocking thing to come out of my experience as a lobbyist, to find that out. Anyway, so I knew he was a dog lover, so they immediately made an appointment with me. And when I said I'm here from SNOP, his aide did burst out laughing. But he covered and we had a serious discussion, because it is a legitimate issue.
CHADWICK: Let's see, how do you feel about your career as a lobbyist?
Ms. YOFFE: It went so much better than I expected, until my last appointment.
CHADWICK: Oh?
Ms. YOFFE: Everyone had been very positive, you know, and said get the Humane Society behind you, get these groups behind you, you can do it. My last appointment was with my aide to my representative, Chris Van Holland. And I gave him a puppy and I started my pitch and just a minute into it he interrupted me and pointed out a slight glitch in this, in that it was unconstitutional.
CHADWICK: Unconstitutional?
Ms. YOFFE: Well, he said spay and neutering dogs and cats, it's not a federal issue. This is an issue for the states. You don't have any enforcement mechanism here. I mean, if we were to push this it'd get bounced back at us. Sorry lady, it won't be constitutional.
CHADWICK: So your lobbyist career is over.
Ms. YOFFE: He euthanized SNOP on the spot.
CHADWICK: Emily Yoffe, human guinea pig, columnist for Slate where you can read her adventures as a lobbyist. And now former lobbyist. Emily, thank you again.
Ms. YOFFE: My pleasure. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.